Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Real Madrid Vs Barcelona

So tonight real madrid play against barcelona in the champions league semi-final, everyone is excited, it's gonna be an amazing game, I mean Messi, Ronaldo, the battle for football supremacy, bla bla bla and on and on......
well all that is fine and all but honestly i'm sick of both of them teams, I don't like real madrid for obvious reasons *Ronaldo*, and I'm still pissed at Barcelona for scoring last minute and eliminating us (chelsea) from the champions league back in 2009
and of course my twitter timeline is being filled by people trying to predict what's gonna happen tonight!
Well screw them, let me tell you exactly what's happening tonight.
First half is gonna proceed normally, it's gonna be exciting good football, but no goals.
Second half it's all gonna change!
First Messi is gonna score, so Ronaldo's gonna feel jealous and that'll motivate him to score, which in turn will have the same effect on Messi, and thus this cycle of Messi and Ronaldo getting jealous of each other and scoring begins (meanwhile the rest of the team is standing there watching), after a while they are distracted for like a minute when Pique starts to spontaneously bleed from his eyes, but Shakira comes and gives him a magical hug and all is well again, and the cycle is resumed.
After the score is 30-30, the referee and the rest of the players have enough, and they decide to settle this ongoing battle of who's the best footballer once and for all, and they find paul the octopus' half brother and ask him who's the best.
He picks Messi, which then causes Cristiano to implode from his anguish and disbelief that he is not in fact on top of the football world, and Messi's head gets disproportionally big for his body and it fall off and rolls away.
After seeing their team mates so tragically gone the rest of the players go into a frenzy and start blaming the other team, then they start a battle, they dig ditches in the field, and they use their bare hands, and feet as weapons, eventually they both eradicate each other!
Faced by this insanity and situation, Manchester United are declared winners because who are we kidding there's no way Schalke are gonna win in old trafford
And that's how it is
you don't even have to watch the game anymore

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Why people should go to Shakira's concert in Lebanon

Ok so Shakira has a concert in Lebanon on May the 26th, and when I heard about this I was very excited, and I couldn't wait to tell me friends and go buy the tickets and go to the concert. But to my dismay, to say that my friends (except for like 2) were less than enthusiastic would be an understatement. They were completely indifferent. This baffled me. 
If you're thinking how the hell is this relevent to football , you'll find out in a bit.
So if you think I'm excited to go see Shakira because I love Shakira, you're wrong. Not that I don't like her, she's cool and her music is nice sometimes.
But the real reason that I got that excited is because miss Shakira is dating Gerrard Pique, and I have a theory that envolves her bringing Pique (I am assuming of course that all games envolved in my theory will be postponned for convenience).

But then I thought that Shakira won't have free time to spend with him since she'll be practicing, and poor Pique will feel lonley. As such I concluded that he would probably invite Fernando Torres to come along with him, to keep him company. (Don't ask me why he invited Torres)

Then I thought that Pique would feel guilty for only inviting Fernando Torres to come with him and watch his girlfriend perform, so he ends up inviting the whole spanish team, as well as his non-spanish Barcelona teammates.

And that is why I am excited for Shakira's concert because in my own private world it isn't far fetched at all that more than 2 dozen footballers are accompanying her and Pique to Lebanon, and I ain't gonna miss the chance to get to see them