The Return of the Special One

Since I haven't updated this blog in about a year or so, and now I'm back here writing whatever comes to my mind because it's fucking 3 am in the morning and I can't bloody sleep, well I guess you can say I'm back or trying to at least.

So the title is about me right? Reviving this blog? 

Naaah I'm not as vain as to call myself the special one, or even that special actually.

No what I'm referring to is the return of Jose Mourinho to Chelsea after leaving about 6 years ago. 

He's finally back to where he belongs, and me and I'm sure all Chelsea fans are anxious to see how the team is gonna shape up next season. 

I really hope he's that extra factor that's needed to liven things up again! 

So fingers crossed and I can't wait till the start of the season :D 

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Cheers!

Euro 2012: Group B

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Group B this year is the motherload of groups :P
We have Germany, The Netherlands, Portugal and finally Denmark.
It kinda seems unfair though putting Denmark up against these 3 (not that I'm saying the Danish aren't good enough, but when you first see the group, you can't help but have the feeling that they're screwed).
Anyways group B's first games are today so i'm really excited about that, can't wait to see what happens.
On a side note I'm more excited about the Netherlands/Denmark game than I am about the Germany/Portugal game :P I really wanna see what the Danish get up to.
So in that spirit I found this great video by the Danish band Nephew and it includes the Danish NT.
Here's to the underdogs of this group, may the prevail :P

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Enjoy the games people 

and cheers :D

UPDATE: The Danish team won 1-0 against Holland :D So yaay, hopefully they'll keep up the good work 

2012 Euro: Kickoff

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wow
just wow
What an amazing opening game for the 2012 Eurocup
From the opening ceremony to the game itself, everything was beyond spectacular.
The ceremony included dancers, miniature versions of the stadium, a pianist who showed his skills with the ball and a dj. And if that wasn't brilliant enough, the flags of the participating countries were assembled in the stands by the means of the attendees holding a piece of colored banner, it was kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. I mean the organization and work put into it must have been tremendous, so kudos to everyone who was a part of it :)

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Now on to the game. It was hectic and very eventful. The 1st half witnessed the polish squad score and the greeks getting a red card and being reduced to 10 men, I personally thought they are screwed. In the 7th minute of the second half however the Greeks proved me wrong by equalizing.In a surprising turn of events Szczesny (poland's goalkeeper) got a red card and the greeks were awarded a penalty. This time I thought the Polish were screwed for sure (I can be somewhat pessimistic sometimes, specially during football games :P). I mean they're main goalie was out and they had to defend a penalty. But lo and behold substitute goalie Tyton saves Karagounas' penalty. 

And to add more to the action the greeks score another goal which gets ruled out as offside. 

All in all it was a very exciting game. Even people who don't give a rat's ass about football got caught up in the game. 

It's safe to say I'm really excited to see what the rest of the tournament has in store for us :)

Cheers

What if they weren't footballers? Part 2

Hey y'all so this is the continuation of the what if they weren't footballers post (obviously) that I did a few months ago, and it's a bit overdue so here goes

Mario Balotelli:

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An evil psycho who tries to take over the world but instead ends up over an island full of bunnies (those poor bunnies )

Steven Gerrard:

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A DJ who only plays Phill Collins songs

Lionel Messi:

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A guy with a napoleon complex who thinks he's a superhero and tries to save the poor bunnies from Balotelli

David Luiz:

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NO, he would not be sideshow Bob, and we would not try to kill Bart Simpson!

He would be a clown

yes a clown!

All the kids would love him

Bastian Schweinsteiger:

He used to be a model when he was a kid but as his physical appearance changed that career went down the drain so he settled for being a worker at the Hippodrom tent during the oktoberfest


Mesut Ozil:

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A frog who didn't turn into a prince

Philip Lahm:

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The little groom on top of a wedding cake :)

Well this is it for now, I know there are more footballers than the ones i mentioned so if i think of other people i'll just update this post

Cheers

Some funny shit

Lately I've been having writer's block or blogger's block or whatever you wanna call it, and basically I haven't been giving this blog a lot of attention
I still have no idea what to write about so i thought I'd just post some funny shit (or what I thought is funny, you -whoever you are- might not find it funny, although i'm sure if you're looking at this post while intoxicated you'll find it funny, cause drunk people find almost everything funny, anyways I'm digressing so back to the point)

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Crouch: But Ronnie I don't want to touch you

Ronaldo: You have to! Come on remember like that time after that party, that felt good didnt it?

Crouch: I was drunk then -_-

Ronaldo: Either you do it or I'm telling Abby about that night

Crouch: Fucking bastard

Ronaldo: What was that?

Crouch: I said let's just get it over with

Ronaldo: Don't worry it will be over before you know it ;)

Crouch: :(((

Alright enough with this sillyness, what crouch and ronaldo do in the privacy of the stadium is non of our business!

Anyways here are some funny videos that you can watch if you're bored

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Well this is it for now, hopefully my next post will consist of something that I actually put some effort into, instead of finding random pictures and videos
cheers

Didier Drogba: A Class Act

Let's play a game of "can you spot the Drogba?"

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Did you guys spot him? No i'm not talking about spotting him in his portrait, which happens to be the first image, where's the fun in that?
I'm talking about spotting him pulling a funny face behind Bosingwa!
Gotta love Drogba!
Ok so maybe not everyone is fond of Didier, partly because he is known for diving (which of course is a trait that most footballers are cursed with), but I find that there's a certain quality that is endearing about him.
And I rarely find things that are endearing, so that's saying something!
Anyways whether you like Drogs or hate him, he is a world class footballer and dread the day that he anounces his retirement or worse decides to leave chelsea for another team, for that will be the day when you will find me crawled up in my closet crying my eyes out  accepting his decision with calm tenacity like a mature adult.
Anyways I hope that now that the season has started again that i'll be updating this blog which has gone to the dogs sort of like Arsenal has
I hope I'm better at managing this blog than Arsene is at managing his team
so thats its for now
Cheers!

5 reasons why I love David Luiz

5- He's born in april, so am I! Coincidence? I don't think so *does evil laugh* (not so sure what's evil about that but what the heck)

4-His full name is David Luiz Moreira Marinho. As you've noticed (or not depending on your mental capacity) I put emphasis on the Marinho part. Marinho is close to Mourinho ie: the special one, so this is a sign that Luiz is destined for greatness!

3- His hair! His beautiful fluffly curly bouncy hair!

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2-His first goal for chelsea was against manchester united and it helped us achieve victory in that game.

1-And finally the number one reason why i love him is because of his funny and endearing personality



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Well that's all folks, until next time.

Cheers

Is it me...

Or does Carles Puyol look like the doppelganger of the hunchback of notredame?

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Glory Glory Man United

So the champions league final was tonight in Wembley, and from the title of my post you would think that manchester united won. Well no, no they didn't.
They lost, in Wembley, they fucking lost!
That's a fucking disgrace.
Anyways I made some important discoveries during this game.
First of all I thought I was neutral at the beginning of the game, and all was well, that is of course until barcelona scored, when I suddenly realized that no I am not neutral, I want man utd to win, which as a chelsea fan I was horrified to discover!
But I decided that I hate Barcelona even more than I hate man utd!
I never thought the day would come where I would willingly choose Man United over another team, but here we are.
The second discovery was that Mourinho was right! There is a UEFA/FIFA/Barcelona/UNICEF conspiracy going on
Oh and since this was Van Der Sar's last game, it would've been cool if they won and he got to lift that trophy one last time
Oh well, at least Chelsea were kicked out of the competition early and I didn't have to worry about them all night :P
Cheers
(I should probably congratulate Barcelona fans but I don't want to)

I Am Cristiano Ronaldo and I Am Awesome!

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Oh hello there, how have you guys been?

I know, I know, I haven't been as interactive as I used to be, but ever since that epic game between Real Madrid and Barcelona (click here to see what I'm talking about ), when the fans decided that Messi was actually better than me, I've been really blue, and no that does not mean that there is a transfer to Chelsea in my near future. I started doubting myself, stop laughing, I actually did. And I thought well maybe if all those people said that I'm no good then maybe just maybe they're right and that I actually suck at football.

So as you see, I started coming to this little bench, it became like my sanctuary. I come out here to think, to meditate, to contemplate the reasons for my existence!

Seriously guys stop laughing, I'm being serious here!

I mean if I'm not the best footballer then what's my purpose in life?

I don't think i'm good at anything else, well I'm good at diving, but I don't think I can do that professionally!

Hmmm, what else, what else?

Oh wait, there's one other thing I'm good at!

Can you guess what that is?

No, it's not crying like a baby when we lose

No, it's not pouting and sulking when i'm put on the bench

ok that's it shut up!

I'm good with women ok, I can't believe you didn't guess that! You guys suck today

But how can I use that skill?

And I can't really go on screwing different chicks every night, you know now that I'm with Elene, Iris.... you know that model that's on the cover of the sports illustrated swimsuit edition.

I'm sooo horrible I can't even remember my own girlfriend's name.

No wonder I called my kid Cristiano Ronaldo Jr., that way I wouldn't forget his name.

I'm such a sorry excuse for a human being

And i'm blabbing aren't I, I don't even make sense

see I'm not even good at talking

all i'm good at is sitting here and staring off into space

So I'm gonna do that, and maybe have a talk with Kaka, I mean he has barely played all season, he's more of a loser than I am

Maybe that would cheer me up

Or maybe not

I'm out

xoxo Diver Boy

Wenger's equations

Ok so I've talked about this before (I think) but I'm gonna talk about it again. There's this show on youtube, it's called special 1 TV, and I absolutely love it! It's hosted by Mourinho (not the real one obviously, just a puppet of him, but it does sound quiet realistic) hence the name "special 1" TV.

And this is relevent why you ask?

Well it's not really relevent to anything, I just wanted to share one of my all time favourite episodes of the show.

Enjoy :)

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I absolutely love this!

Wenger: The proof, the proof!
Man United divided by blackburn multiplied by blackpool over chelsea as a function of arsenal greater than fulham over everton and stoke minus FA corruption equals premier league! #Wenger's equation

Ha the equations of thermodynamics have nothing on this
As the boy Wayne would say: This is mint!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers

What If They Weren't Footballers?

Haven't you ever wondered what these footballers would be, or what their careers would be if they weren't footballers?
No? What the hell is wrong with you?
Well, I, like any other sane person have wondered about trivial things like that, and me and my friend tried to come up with jobs that suit them well.
Here we go

Cristiano Ronaldo:

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A high class escort with Kris Jenner as his pimp manager ( Of course she takes 10% of his total earnings, but that's only fair right?)

Wayne Rooney:

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A rugby player, he's built like one. Or a butcher take your pick

Kaka:

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A young priest who is secretly gay

Carlos Tevez:

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I don't think he's cut out to be anything really; all I can see when I look at him is a cavemen holding a stick and getting excited about fire

Fernando Torres:

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A kindergarten teacher, so cute :D

Gerard Pique:

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The poster child for blood donation campaigns. Red cross, you know who to call for your next blood drive.

Sergio Ramos:

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A Car Jacker, it's as simple as that

Cesc Fabregas:

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With a name like that it's a no brainer that he'd be a porn star

Yoann Gourcuff:

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The face of maybelline mascara

John Terry:

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A struggling actor working at chip n dale to pay the bills

Well that's it for now. I have more footballers with alternative lives or careers or whatever, but i'm just gonna leave it for another day and another post

so for now

Cheers















Real Madrid Vs Barcelona

So tonight real madrid play against barcelona in the champions league semi-final, everyone is excited, it's gonna be an amazing game, I mean Messi, Ronaldo, the battle for football supremacy, bla bla bla and on and on......
well all that is fine and all but honestly i'm sick of both of them teams, I don't like real madrid for obvious reasons *Ronaldo*, and I'm still pissed at Barcelona for scoring last minute and eliminating us (chelsea) from the champions league back in 2009
and of course my twitter timeline is being filled by people trying to predict what's gonna happen tonight!
Well screw them, let me tell you exactly what's happening tonight.
First half is gonna proceed normally, it's gonna be exciting good football, but no goals.
Second half it's all gonna change!
First Messi is gonna score, so Ronaldo's gonna feel jealous and that'll motivate him to score, which in turn will have the same effect on Messi, and thus this cycle of Messi and Ronaldo getting jealous of each other and scoring begins (meanwhile the rest of the team is standing there watching), after a while they are distracted for like a minute when Pique starts to spontaneously bleed from his eyes, but Shakira comes and gives him a magical hug and all is well again, and the cycle is resumed.
After the score is 30-30, the referee and the rest of the players have enough, and they decide to settle this ongoing battle of who's the best footballer once and for all, and they find paul the octopus' half brother and ask him who's the best.
He picks Messi, which then causes Cristiano to implode from his anguish and disbelief that he is not in fact on top of the football world, and Messi's head gets disproportionally big for his body and it fall off and rolls away.
After seeing their team mates so tragically gone the rest of the players go into a frenzy and start blaming the other team, then they start a battle, they dig ditches in the field, and they use their bare hands, and feet as weapons, eventually they both eradicate each other!
Faced by this insanity and situation, Manchester United are declared winners because who are we kidding there's no way Schalke are gonna win in old trafford
And that's how it is
you don't even have to watch the game anymore
Cheers

Why people should go to Shakira's concert in Lebanon

Ok so Shakira has a concert in Lebanon on May the 26th, and when I heard about this I was very excited, and I couldn't wait to tell me friends and go buy the tickets and go to the concert. But to my dismay, to say that my friends (except for like 2) were less than enthusiastic would be an understatement. They were completely indifferent. This baffled me. 
If you're thinking how the hell is this relevent to football , you'll find out in a bit.
So if you think I'm excited to go see Shakira because I love Shakira, you're wrong. Not that I don't like her, she's cool and her music is nice sometimes.
But the real reason that I got that excited is because miss Shakira is dating Gerrard Pique, and I have a theory that envolves her bringing Pique (I am assuming of course that all games envolved in my theory will be postponned for convenience).

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But then I thought that Shakira won't have free time to spend with him since she'll be practicing, and poor Pique will feel lonley. As such I concluded that he would probably invite Fernando Torres to come along with him, to keep him company. (Don't ask me why he invited Torres)

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Then I thought that Pique would feel guilty for only inviting Fernando Torres to come with him and watch his girlfriend perform, so he ends up inviting the whole spanish team, as well as his non-spanish Barcelona teammates.

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And that is why I am excited for Shakira's concert because in my own private world it isn't far fetched at all that more than 2 dozen footballers are accompanying her and Pique to Lebanon, and I ain't gonna miss the chance to get to see them

Cheers



Footballers' Tweets

The tweets this time are a courtesy of Michael Owen, who just recently joined the twitterverse

Apparantly Mr. Owen here was attempting his luck at comedy, my initial reaction was that he should stick to football, but he's injured and off the pitch most of the time that I can't even say that because at this rate I would say that Robin Van Persie's son Shaqueel Van Persie is getting more time on the field than our friend Owen here.

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Although his last tweet did manage to crack me up "I'm fit", haha yeah and I'm the Queen of England!
Cheers

I am Cristiano Ronaldo & I am Awesome

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Umm hey guys, obviously i'm not cristiano, although i might be just as awesome as he is, maybe even more, but don't tell him that he will throw a fucking tantrum and ill never hear the end of it.
I guess you're confused as to why I'm here, and i'm sure you're wondering about the whereabouts of Ronaldo. Don't worry i haven't killed him and stashed his body in my underground lair, I would never do that to him, he is me dear friend, and sometimes more than a friend! What I mean is he is like a brother to me. Anyways well i was having a rough day and Ronnie told me when he has a hard time or when something is bothering him, he comes here and he talks about the issue and that it makes him feel better, and he offered to let me take his spot.
So now to the problem. Let me tell you about what has made me so distraught. I lost my headband that has my inititials on it! I'm so grief stricken, how will i possibly play football with so much talent without it, i mean after all it my good luck charm, we won the world cup while i was wearing that headband, that's gotta mean something. And now it's gone forever, I don't think I can go on living without it, my life is so pointless, my soul isn't complete without it! Plus my mommy is going to kill me for losing it, oh god she's gonna yell at me so loudly that my eardrums are going to burst! Damn it!
And the worst part is I feel like I will forever feel sad and morose.
I mean Iker offered to kiss me, but even that didn't cheer me up, and it usually makes all my problems disappear.

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I'm going to go and continue wallowing elsewhere, and feeling sorry for myself. Tell Ronaldo that this didn't make me feel better :(

xoxo

The Ramos

5 Reasons why...

I guess it's safe to say that I pretty much despise Cristiano Ronaldo, but here are 5 reasons why I'm glad he exists:
5) Football would be so boring without his diving, whining and crying.

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4)Forget about the guy from the hangover, Ronaldo is the sole benefitor of the man purse industry.

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3) Prevents skin cancer, because once people see his "healthy" skin tone/color they try to avoid the sun at all costs

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2) Decreasing the rate of people who sleep around, because Ronnie here has probably created a strain of super mutant mixture of STDs, which is resistant and has no cure, and no one will ever find a cure for it, ever. Oh and if you're wondering what it does to you, well I don't know yet, but it's horrible, terrible, disgusting! So don't sleep around people, just say no!

1) And finally, I get to make fun of him, and it's really fun making fun of Ronaldo, and let's face it without him my blog wouldn't even exist.

So thank you Ronaldo for being alive, because I don't even know how I would possibly go through my day to day life without you there to entertain me.