Sunday, December 12, 2010

Ronaldo Sucks: Let's Rejoice!

Apparantly the most annoying player according to certain referees (such as Claus Bo Larsen) is non other than Cristiano Ronaldo.
And no I am not making this up because I hate Ronaldo.
It's actually true. Referees think he is annoying because he is a diver. I would say that there are a lot of other things about him that just invite you to "dislike" him, but that's just me, some people actually like him and look up to him, well good luck with that.
But at last, some people are coming to their senses and realizing what I realized ages ago: that Cristiano Ronaldo is the spawn of satan, he is the devil reincarnated.
However, what I don't understand is if referees know positively and absolutely that he dives all the time, then why the fuck do they relent and give him what he wants: free kicks and even penalties sometimes. Is he that great that they just can't help but give in to his every whim?
Anyways here are some images of Ronaldo doing what he does best, diving:

Friday, December 10, 2010

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Champions league results: the fucking disgrace edition

Yesterday there were the games of the 6th round of the group stages of the champions league. There were 8 matches in total (not counting the ones that took place on dec. 7th). I decided that I would watch a bit of every match, but instead I got caught up watching the chelsea game hoping that they would score any minute now) most of the time, and ended up flipping back to the other games when someone scored.
So why have I posted this under the title "the fucking disgrace edition"? Because the result of the chelsea game was a massive fucking disgrace! (well so was the result of the Ac milan vs. Ajax game but I didn't watch that game so I'm in no postion to pass judgement).
Now it may seem as if I'm overreacting because even though chelsea lost against marseille (1-0), they still went through to the knockout stages, so some people might say that their loss wasn't a big deal. Well it was a big deal. If I had access to the players I would be yelling at them until their heads explode or something just as gruesome. What a horrible game. Aside from a few good missed opportunities, they did absolutely nothing. They couldn't attack properly, they couldn't even get close enough to the freaking penalty square to attempt anything, and their defence was sketchy. The only good thing about the game was the fact that Josh McEachran was in the starting line up and he handled himself brilliantly. Everyone else, in my opinion, gave a very disappointing performance. Oh and Drogba dear, being emotionally unstable because you're playing against your former club is not an excuse.
In other news:
Bayern Munich won against Basel (3-0), with 2 goals scored by Franck Ribery and 1 by Anatoliy Tymoshchuk.
The Roma vs. CFR Cluj game ended in a draw (1-1). Marco Boriello scored for Roma in the first half, and Lacina Traore equalized later on.
Spartak Moskva won in their match against Zilina (2-1) leaving Zilina with no points whatsoever from the beginning of the competition. Ibson (who then got a red card and was sent off) and Alex scored for Spartak Moskva, while Tomas Majtan scored for Zilina.
Real Madrid sailed through with a 4-0 win over Auxerre. Karim Benzema scored his 1st hat trick in almost 3 years while the other goal was thanks to non other than Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo himself.
Arsenal also had a good game, and from the bits & pieces of it that I actually watched I came to the conclusion that it was an interesting game. The result was a 3-1 win for Arsenal. The goals for Arsenal were courtesy of Robin Van Persie, Theo Walcott & Samir Nasri respectively, while Cleo scored Partizan's only goal.
Shakhtar Donetsk won against Braga (2-0), Rat & Luiz Adrian scored the 2 goals for shakhtar.
And finally the other team that also suffered an unexpected loss was AC Milan, who lost against Ajax. The 2 goal scorers for Ajax were Toby Alderweireld and Demy de Zeeuw. Just for the record Toby Alderweireld's goal was amazing! I think it was the highlight of all 8 matches.
So in conclusion here are the teams that made it to the knockout stages:
Group A:-Tottenham (England)
              -Inter Milan (Italy)
Group B:-FC Schalke (Germany)
              -Lyon (France)
Group C:-Manchester United (England)
              -Valencia FC (Spain)
Group D:-Barcelona (Spain)
              -FC Kobenhavn (Denmark)
Group E:-Bayern Munich (Germany)
              -AS Roma (Italy)
Group F:-Chelsea (England)
              -Marseille (France)
Group G:-Real Madrid (Spain)
              -AC Milan (Italy)
Group H:-Shakhtar Donetsk (Ukraine)
              -Arsenal (England)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Happy Birthday John Terry!

Now John Terry might have a few flaws, but he is one of my favourite footballers of all time. I mean after all he is chelsea's captain fantastic.
And today is John Terry's birthday & he just turned 30 :D
So happy birthday to John Terry: Captain, Leader, & Legend

Playing away from home

There are certain facts in life that are simply irrefutable, for example the sky is blue, the sun is yellow, and footballers cheat on their girlfriends and wives. Obviously it's not only footballers who cheat, but this has been a rising trend lately in the football community.
Among the footballers who were caught in the act are 3 chelsea players, I am sad to say:
-Frank Lampard cheated on his pregnant fiancee Elen Rives while he was on vacation is Vegas
-Ashley Cole had multiple affairs after which Cheryl Tweedy (his now ex-wife) finally filed for divorce
-John Terry had an affair with his then teammate Wayne Bridge's girlfriend (at the time of the affair) and the mother of his child Vanessa Peroncell
Other players who were exposed more recently include:
-Peter Crouch who cheated on his pregnant fiancee Abigail Clancey with a prostitute
-Wayne Rooney who cheated on his wife Coleen Rooney while she was pregnant with their son Kai
 This situation just baffles me. Why do footballers (and other men) have to cheat? Why can't they be satisfied with what they're getting from their relationships? And it's not like they're deprived or anything!
Well naturally I tried to find reasons to understand why footballers think it's justifiable to act this way, and these are the only ones I could come up with:
-Men are sexual animals
-They're too weak to control their urges
-Their brains take orders from their dicks
-They have no heart
-They are complete and utter morons
-They were abducted by aliens who then replaced their brains with peanuts
Now everything would be better if these idiots could keep their junk in their pants. But since that seems to be almost impossible then I have a great solution:

*And to top it off they won't need to worry about their junk during the game, they could just play freely, specially when they form a wall during free kicks, they don't have to cover up. So you see it's a win win situation after all.
*this idea was pitched in by a friend :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

Football Bromance

I'm sure it's quite obvious that there's a lot of man love out there on the field. Bromances are very common in football.Just like in normal relationships there are of course different types of footballers who are involved in different types of bromances:

The Player who jumps from one bromance to another in a blink of an eye such as Cristiano Ronaldo. Some of his previous bromances were with:

-Wayne Rooney


-Sergio Ramos

There's the steady on going couple such as John Terry & Frank Lampard

And finally there are the one night stands, that just hook up for a day and move on, such as:                          

Iker Casillas & Cesc Fabregas                                                                                                                   

Paul Scholes & Gary Neville                                                                                                                        

Maradona & Carlos Tevez                                                                                                                          

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I am Cristiano Ronaldo & I am Awesome

Well hello there again. Last time I left you guys to go and screw that inferior creature that was appearing with me in the Ad. I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I didn't impregnate this one and thus I don't have to worry about where to stuff another baby. Although I do think that it was her fault that she wasn't impregnated because I have a very high sperm count and my little Ronaldos are very fast swimmers.
Anyways, let's move on to the problem at hand this week.
So I was lounging on the soft grass on the field when some of the guys came and told me that I should get up because we were in the middle of a match and apparantly I was disrupting the game. As if that's even possible! I never disrupt anything, on the contrary, I make everything more amazing by my mere presence. But I decided to be nice this time and not argue and I started getting ready to get up. I was stretching my leg, because I didn't want to pull a muscle or anything by standing up too quickly, and all of a sudden this idiot from the opposing team throws himself at my leg. Now I know that my legs are amazing and simply irresistable, but to launch himself on it like this in public is just unacceptable. I mean there's a time and place for everything right? In this situation it would be past midnight after chugging down a bottle of tequila and behind closed doors.
My God, the nerve of this guy! He is claiming that I tackled him! Is he in his right mind? I don't think so. I think that he is suffering from brain damage.
Oh crap! Now the referee is agreeing with him. What has the world been reduced to when referees start believing insignificant idiots over me?
This is the worst game of my life! I think i'm going to ditch the game and go touch myself inappropriately because that is the only thing that will cheer me up right now.
I'm off, goodbye.
xoxo Diver Boy