Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I am Cristiano Ronaldo & I am Awesome

Well hello there again. Last time I left you guys to go and screw that inferior creature that was appearing with me in the Ad. I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I didn't impregnate this one and thus I don't have to worry about where to stuff another baby. Although I do think that it was her fault that she wasn't impregnated because I have a very high sperm count and my little Ronaldos are very fast swimmers.
Anyways, let's move on to the problem at hand this week.
So I was lounging on the soft grass on the field when some of the guys came and told me that I should get up because we were in the middle of a match and apparantly I was disrupting the game. As if that's even possible! I never disrupt anything, on the contrary, I make everything more amazing by my mere presence. But I decided to be nice this time and not argue and I started getting ready to get up. I was stretching my leg, because I didn't want to pull a muscle or anything by standing up too quickly, and all of a sudden this idiot from the opposing team throws himself at my leg. Now I know that my legs are amazing and simply irresistable, but to launch himself on it like this in public is just unacceptable. I mean there's a time and place for everything right? In this situation it would be past midnight after chugging down a bottle of tequila and behind closed doors.
My God, the nerve of this guy! He is claiming that I tackled him! Is he in his right mind? I don't think so. I think that he is suffering from brain damage.
Oh crap! Now the referee is agreeing with him. What has the world been reduced to when referees start believing insignificant idiots over me?
This is the worst game of my life! I think i'm going to ditch the game and go touch myself inappropriately because that is the only thing that will cheer me up right now.
I'm off, goodbye.
xoxo Diver Boy

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