Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I am Cristiano Ronaldo & I am Awesome

Hello, i'm back with yet another bothersome problem. So I go to this photoshoot, and they tell me that I need to share the spotlight with this woman. Can you believe it, me, Cristiano Ronaldo, share the spotlight?! How dare they contaminate my awesomeness by integrating an inferior creature into the picture? Don't these people have brains? I feel so betrayed. And to make things worse, I have this irresistable urge to shag her. I mean she's a woman! Don't they know that I have to bone every woman in my proximity? The people who are in charge of this photoshoot are stupid. Damn it, I hope I don't impregnate this one, I'm running out of places to stuff all these babies.
Well anyways, I'm going to go and tear her clothes off now.
Until next time
xoxo Diver Boy

Top 10 Jackasses and Idiots in football:

10)Sergio Ramos:
Customized headbands with your initials on them, really? Did your mommy stitch them on for you in case you got lost? Word for the wise Ramos: Grow a pair!

9)Landon Donovan:
imagesource He's an American pretending to understand football or should i say "soccer"

8)Craig Bellamy:
imagesource He's a mean little F***er. He freakin punched a fan.

7)Ashley Cole:
imagesource I love him and all, and he's a brilliant footballer, and i rarely(ie: never) have anything bad to say about a chelsea player, but Ashley, Cheryl is awesome and you my friend are an idiot!

6)Andrei Arshavin:
imagesource Don't be fooled by his cute elfin looks. This guy is the devil. Have you heard his views about women? Go back to the middle ages where you belong you nincompoop (& that is an actual word found in the webster dictionary).

5)Carlos Tevez:
imagesource Disgusting pig! Enough said.

4)Peter Crouch:

Who in their right mind would have a fiancee like Abbey Clancey, and cheat on her with a hooker?

3)Franck Ribery:

Underage prostitute! WTF
2)Wayne Rooney:
You just don't cheat on your wife when she's pregnant! Despicable Wayne. Plus he sucked during the world cup, so that's not helping his case

1)Cristiano Ronaldo:

He is a good for nothing, stuck up, cocky bastard, who just happens to be a manwhore

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I am Cristiano Ronaldo & I am Awesome

Hello, my name is Cristiano Ronaldo, but of course you already knew that! I mean who in their right mind wouldn't know who I am? Anyways, I am the world's best footballer, no one can even come remotely close to the level of my skills. But on the contrary to popular belief my life isn't all rainbows and unicorns. I actually have a lot of problems and every week I will be discussing one of these problem right here. My problem for today is that I ran out of hair gel , so as you can see my hair is sticking out in all directions and at odd angles, and to be honest it looks aweful. I can't let people see me in this state, it's an abomination I tell you, a crime against humanity! Why, you ask, did I run out of hair gel? I will tell you why. You see I usually have a whole room in my amazing apartment stocked with hair gel so that i never run out, and of course I hired someone to restock the room but the idiot that i hired was apparantly "sick" and he didn't do his job. Can you believe this guy? He actually believes that his health is more important than my hair gel! Obviously I fired him and that made me feel a little better, but my hair still looks horrible. :(
Well I'm Cristiano and this was my problem of the week.
I will now go and stare at myself in the mirror.
xoxo DiverBoy

5 Reasons why Liverpool are going down the drain this season

1) Jamie Carragher tackles everyone and everything that he sees in front of him (including his wife and random little old ladies walking down the street)
2)Dirk Kuyts ability to repel the ball due to his horrid looks and monster like features
3)Pepe Reina has butterfingers
4)Fernando Torres is too busy with his hair and his freckles to remember how to play football
5)Steven Gerrard is the captain! Isn't that enough?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Football Managers: a waste of oxygen!

Is it me or are some coaches completely incompetent fools? Let's take "SIR" Alex Ferguson for example, all he does is chew his gum and insult the referees, or Arsene Wenger who pretends that everything is fine while in fact things are just going downhill for arsenal, or Roberto Mancini who just talks about the failures of the other teams without bothering with his own failures. These guys are getting paid millions of pounds for that? Heck a 5 year old child can manage a team better than these idiot!
But that's just my opinion

This Just in! I have a blog

Hey i'm Shahine and i love football, that basically summarizes my whole life! No i'm kidding, but football is a major part of my life. Basically i'm a chelsea fan or a true blue, and i follow their games religiously. So this blog is going to be about football, mostly it would be me making fun of footballers or teams that i don't like and updates about what's going on in the world of football and i will definitely complain about the things that annoy me. Anyways this is my first blog and i'm sort of clueless so it's going to take some time until this blog is refined but till then i'm just gonna have fun :)