I Am Cristiano Ronaldo and I Am Awesome!

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Oh hello there, how have you guys been?

I know, I know, I haven't been as interactive as I used to be, but ever since that epic game between Real Madrid and Barcelona (click here to see what I'm talking about ), when the fans decided that Messi was actually better than me, I've been really blue, and no that does not mean that there is a transfer to Chelsea in my near future. I started doubting myself, stop laughing, I actually did. And I thought well maybe if all those people said that I'm no good then maybe just maybe they're right and that I actually suck at football.

So as you see, I started coming to this little bench, it became like my sanctuary. I come out here to think, to meditate, to contemplate the reasons for my existence!

Seriously guys stop laughing, I'm being serious here!

I mean if I'm not the best footballer then what's my purpose in life?

I don't think i'm good at anything else, well I'm good at diving, but I don't think I can do that professionally!

Hmmm, what else, what else?

Oh wait, there's one other thing I'm good at!

Can you guess what that is?

No, it's not crying like a baby when we lose

No, it's not pouting and sulking when i'm put on the bench

ok that's it shut up!

I'm good with women ok, I can't believe you didn't guess that! You guys suck today

But how can I use that skill?

And I can't really go on screwing different chicks every night, you know now that I'm with Elene, Iris.... you know that model that's on the cover of the sports illustrated swimsuit edition.

I'm sooo horrible I can't even remember my own girlfriend's name.

No wonder I called my kid Cristiano Ronaldo Jr., that way I wouldn't forget his name.

I'm such a sorry excuse for a human being

And i'm blabbing aren't I, I don't even make sense

see I'm not even good at talking

all i'm good at is sitting here and staring off into space

So I'm gonna do that, and maybe have a talk with Kaka, I mean he has barely played all season, he's more of a loser than I am

Maybe that would cheer me up

Or maybe not

I'm out

xoxo Diver Boy